BOURBON
by bnr848
Summary: When the red tornado lands of his doorstep a little bourbon does everyone good. How to cope with an ex-wife.


Bourbon By Dupine 848

 **Disclaimer: The publicly recognized characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plots are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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 **This is what happens when you read a label.**

In the depths of her slumber, she was hearing bells. That's nice, she thought, as she turned, nestling deeper into her pillow. But the ringing… the ringing wouldn't stop. She opened one eye and spied the clock on the nightstand; the bright green of the display screamed four-twenty-three. The ringing, now followed by light pounding finally registered, someone was at the front door.

"Babe," she whispered, as she shook him. "Castle, Castle, wake up." It was to no avail, the man slept like the dead. Who the hell would be knocking on their door at four in the morning? She grabbed her robe, and for a minute contemplated grabbing her gun, as she walked towards the front door. As she hit the light switch, she heard Martha walking down the stairs. "Katherine? Who in the world…" Martha exclaimed. "I don't know Martha, it's alright, go back to bed," a now wide awake Kate replied.

Kate opened the door and to her great surprise and amazement was greeted by a very vibrant and bombastic Meredith. Without missing a beat, she strolled into the loft, demanding, "Where's Richard?" A very annoyed Kate slammed the front door and added, "Meredith, its four thirty in the morning, like every normal person, he's in bed!" Just then a very groggy and yawning Castle walked out of the bedroom. "Who the hell is…?" Just then he spotted Meredith, with a fuming Beckett right behind her. Martha, who had been witnessing the Meredith show, cleared her throat and added, "Richard, it appears you have a wife problem." Castle glared at his mother, as he hissed, "Go back to bed, mother!" "Kiddo, I wouldn't miss this for the world… Coffee anybody?"

"Meredith, what in the world are you doing here?" added Castle, as he walked towards the kitchen. "Richard, I'm here for our daughter's wedding! I sent you an email two months ago; you said you'd reserve a suite at the Plaza for me. Imagine my surprise when I showed up and was told there was no reservation. Really, Richard, I've never been so embarrassed," replied an indignant Meredith. Castle walked to his office and returned with a copy of an email. "Kitten, will arrive 08/07 for wedding. Be a dear, book the Plaza. M," read a frustrated Castle. "Exactly," declared Meredith. An exasperated Castle pinched the bridge of his nose and added, "Meredith, Alexis' wedding is August 15th, you said you'd arrive August 7th. It's July!" "Oh, you silly man; 08/07 is July 8th, I wrote it in European. You know, they write the day, then the month, they're so formal; I've learned so much living in Paris." Through clenched teeth Castle bellowed, "We're not European!" Martha was roaring with laughter. Kate patted Rick on the back, looked at Meredith and said, "Well Kitten, you two figure this out, I'm going to bed." Castle walked towards the kitchen staring at his ex-wife; the women was the gift that kept on giving.

Castle poured himself a cup of coffee and took a deep breath. He picked up his cell phone and dialed the Plaza. Half an hour later an exasperated Castle looked at Meredith, contemplating murder. "Well, there are no rooms available at the Plaza," he announced. He tried the Waldorf and the Ritz; no luck, they were all booked through the weekend. "Well, I guess you better take my bags up to the guestroom room," declared Meredith. "That is not going to happen. I will find a place, but you are not staying here." "Seriously Richard, I don't know what the big deal is; we were married," added Meredith. He would not repeat that mistake. There was only room for one wife in the loft and Meredith was not it. His next call was to a sleeping, Paula.

"Ricky? What's wrong? You need bail?" Last time Richard Castle had called her at this ungodly hour, he had been arrested for stealing a police horse. "Paula, Meredith just showed up at my doorstep. The Plaza, Waldorf, and Ritz are booked through the weekend. It's Wednesday! I need a place for her, now!" begged Castle. "Well, I'm not taking her!" replied Paula. "I wouldn't wish her on anyone, not even you. I just need you to find her a room someplace that will meet her standards. I need to keep her out of my hair and out of my house! I've had no luck." He was at the end of his rope; was there no statute of limitations on an ex-wife? Meredith stared at Castle, stood, hands on her hips and through pursed lips huffed, "You do know, I can hear you."

Martha, taking pity on her son, grabbed Meredith by the hand pointing her towards the stairs. "Richard, go to bed. Katherine will understand. Meredith can stay in the guestroom a few hours." This was not going to go over well. Castle walked to the kitchen, dumped his coffee in the sink and poured bourbon into the cup; two cups later he walked back to his bedroom. "Well?" inquired Kate. "She's in the guestroom, Paula is looking for a place. I promise she'll be out of here in the morning." Kate took a deep breath, adding, "It is morning!"

Castle climbed back into bed and prayed sleep would overtake him. "Castle, it's okay. I'm sure Paula will work it out. Now go back to sleep," Kate added. She leaned over and kissed him. "Have you been drinking?" she asked, bemused. "Meredith showed up at our door at four in the morning. Meredith! Just be glad I'm still not drinking," he pointedly exclaimed, as he turned over and pulled the pillow over his head.

They managed to get a few more hours of sleep, but by nine thirty Castle and Kate were back in the kitchen brewing a fresh pot of coffee. Kate had called the office, advising she would be taking the day off. To be perfectly honest, she wanted to make sure Meredith was out of the house today.

Castle was operating on pure adrenaline, he kept pacing the kitchen, muttering threats of murder and mayhem. Kate sat resolute, sipping her coffee, allowing Castle to vent. When he reached for the bourbon, Kate put her cup down. "Castle, it's nine thirty in the morning, put that bottle away. What are you going to do, stay drunk until Meredith leaves?" "It has crossed my mind," he added.

He retreated to the den, hiding in the pages of his latest novel. Perhaps he could introduce a brutal murder of a scattered brained redhead. As Kate cleaned up in the kitchen, Alexis walked through the door. "Kate? I'm so sorry. Gram called. Where is she, and where's dad?" an exasperated Alexis exclaimed. "Honey, sit. Your father's in his office. He's either writing or drinking," chuckled Kate. "Where is she?" asked Alexis. "I'm guessing she's still asleep. After all, it's only eleven" added Kate.

Alexis was having none of it. She rushed up the stairs, heading straight for the guestroom. "Mom! Get up," Alexis yelled as she walked in the door. Meredith, wearing a sleep mask, jumped off the bed, startled at the sound of Alexis calling her. "Alexis, sweetheart…"

Meredith Lee Harper Castle was nothing if not self-centered and impulsive. It may be her daughter's wedding, but she was determined to make it about her too. As the mother of the bride, she was center stage and was sure going to take full advantage of it. "Don't you Alexis, sweetheart me. What are you doing here?" near tears Alexis exclaimed. "Alexis, I'm your mother, and you're my baby girl. You're getting married and I want to help" a gleeful Meredith added. "Now let me get dressed and we'll go shopping."

Alexis resigned herself to her fate. She walked downstairs and sat deflated next to Kate. Kate patted her on the arm adding, "Don't worry, I'm sure a little shopping and some mother-daughter time will settle her down." Alexis laid her head on Kate's shoulder, whimpered and added, "We both know that's not true."

Castle had given up on any attempts at writing and was now in the kitchen. Alexis walked over to join him and noticed the bourbon bottle. "Dad, are you drinking?" she asked. A frustrated Kate joined them, reprimanding Castle yet again, "Babe, try as you may, you cannot drink Meredith away. Now put that bottle away before I pour it all out!" "Kate, this is Jefferson's Presidential Select, twenty-one- year-old bourbon, its $140.00 a bottle!" protested Castle. Alexis stood next to her father, picked up a coffee mug and said, "Pour." It may be eleven in the morning in New York, but in the famous words of Jimmy Buffett, " _It's_ _five o'clock somewhere,_ " thought Alexis. Castle poured some bourbon into the mug, they clink glasses and drank up. Kate walked between Castle and Alexis, grabbed the bottle and added, "Okay, both of you, that's enough. Alexis, I expect this from your nine-year-old of a father, but you know better." Duly reprimanded, Alexis mug in hand, walked over to the living room and sulked. There was no way she would survive a month of her mother. At least not sober.

Two hours later, a perfectly coiffed and made-up Meredith bounced down the stairs. "Seriously Richard you look awful," was her greeting. Kate held Castle back as he attempted to lunge at Meredith. Alexis, reading the situation, jumped off the couch, grabbed her mother by the arm, and moved towards the door. "Oh, Richard…" before she could finish the sentence, Castle handed Alexis his credit card and added, "Pumpkin, buy whatever you need for the wedding. Make sure your mothers gets what she needs too." Alexis kissed her father and strolled out the door.

The minute Meredith and Alexis were gone Castle grabbed his phone and called Paula. He needed to get her out of the loft before orange became ** _his_** new black. Kate, walked to the kitchen, poured bourbon into two mugs, and handed one to Castle. "Drink up, I think we're both gonna need it. Hope you have more than one bottle of this stuff" she added, as she took a swig from the mug. Paula was still trying to find a suitable place and Kate and Castle were still drinking.

At four o'clock when Martha approached the front door, she was greeted by the sound of bluegrass music emitting from the loft. "What in heaven's name…" Martha walked in, to the sight of Kate and Castle laughing and dancing some type of square-dancing jig, an empty bottle of bourbon on the counter. Martha turned off the music and declared, "Have you two lost your mind?" "Mother…" replied Castle. "Don't you mother me, Richard Alexander Rogers, you are drunk. Katherine? You're supposed to be the adult here. Both of you, go in your room, take a cold shower while I make some strong coffee. Now march!" a stern Martha ordered.

As they showered Martha cleaned up the mess in the living room, dumped the empty bourbon bottle in the recycling bin, returned with an aspirin bottle, pulled out two bottled waters and waited. A few minutes later, a bleary-eyed Castle dragged himself to the kitchen to face his mother's scolding looks. "Seriously Richard, getting drunk? And dragging poor Katherine into this, I swear, whatever possessed you?" admonished Martha. "What possessed me? Meredith! That's what possessed me" he added as he grabbed for the aspirin and the water. "Well, kiddo, I hope you have more bourbon, cause it's gonna be a long month."

By the time Kate joined them, Castle was on his second cup of coffee. "I hope it's strong," added Kate as she massaged her temples. She sat at the counter, grabbed two aspirins from the bottle as Castle brought her a cup of coffee. "I'm sorry Martha, honestly my intentions were to stop Castle from drinking, and the next thing I knew…" a remorseful Kate uttered. "Oh, darling, don't worry. Meredith has on more than one occasion driven me to drink too" added a laughing Martha. "Kiddo's, Alexis' wedding is over a month away, and we all know Meredith is an event all on her own, we have to present a united and partially sober front," Martha added. "Mother, we're not storming the beaches of Normandy. Meredith is a handful, but I'm sure she'll come around. I just have to talk to her," explained Castle. "How much of that bourbon did you drink?" inquired Martha. Castle picked up his cell phone and made a call, "Tony, it's Mr. Castle, remember that bottle of twenty-one- year-old bourbon you sold me last week? Can you send me a case? Yes I know, it's expensive, just bill me. And Tony, deliver it as soon as possible." They were gonna need more bourbon.

They expected the knock at the door to be the Chinese take-out they had ordered but were surprised to see Alexis' fiancée, Ben, instead. "Hey, guys. Alexis told me to meet her here," a confused Ben stated. Both Kate and Castle looked a bit worse for wear and he was positive they were hung over. "Come on in big guy, Alexis and her mother aren't back yet, but I'm sure they'll be home soon," added Castle. A few minutes later the take-out arrived and Benjamin joined them for dinner. It was seven-thirty when Martha's phone rang, "Gram, is it safe?" asked a weary Alexis. "Alexis dear, Benjamin has been waiting for you. We've already eaten, it's almost eight o'clock. Are you still shopping?" asked Martha. "Well, not exactly…" answered Alexis. "Seriously Alexis, tell your mother enough is enough. Now grab a cab and come home." "Gram, we're in Boston!" declared Alexis. "Boston!" Martha blurted out loud. Martha pressed the speaker button and allowed Alexis to explain. Without taking a breath, Alexis started, "Mom wanted to show me this beautiful dress at a boutique and the dress was gorgeous, but its exclusive and they only carry it at the flagship stores in Manhattan and Boston. Well, Manhattan didn't have my size and before I knew it we were on the train and well, one thing led to another and here we are in Boston. The next train is at nine-thirty, but it's not the express and puts us at Penn Station at two in the morning. I think its best if we just spend the night and take the express at nine-fifteen tomorrow morning, we'll arrive at twelve-forty-five. There's an express at six in the morning, but we all know better." Everyone could tell Alexis was upset, and a fuming Castle did not want to make matters worse. A very concerned and sympathetic Benjamin interceded, "Lex, you're right. The best thing to do is for you and your mom to spend the night and head back tomorrow. Think of it as a mother-daughter slumber party. Grab dinner at the Neptune Oyster and enjoy yourself. Say hi to your mother for me and I'll see you tomorrow. I'll pick you up at Penn Station. Call me when you catch the train. Love you." Alexis was near tears when she hung up, but all was well and at least her mother would be out of everyone's hair for the night.

"I am going to kill that woman!" shouted Castle. Benjamin was taken aback, he had never seen Richard Castle this upset, or rather, angry. He had always known his future father-in-law to be an easy-going, prankster who seldom allowed things to bother him. "Alexis has been dealing with her mother's crazy antics her entire life. This is not the first time Meredith does this. She once tried to take Alexis to Paris on a shopping spree. Had she not needed to get Alexis' passport, they would have been in France before I knew it. She would pull Alexis out of school on a whim. I think she's killed every relative, real or imaginary at least three times. But this, this is the last straw." Attempting to have cooler heads prevail, Martha added, "Richard, calm down. Alexis is a grown woman and she can handle Meredith. She'll be fine. Let them spend the night. Like Ben said, it can be a mother-daughter thing. And besides, it will give Paula time to get her a place."

By nine o'clock the next morning, Alexis and Meredith were ready to board the train back to New York and Paula had come through. Meredith had a room with a Central Park view at the Four Seasons; if she wanted a suite she could pay for it herself. Castle was feeling good, his ex-wife was out of his hair, his daughter was happy, Kate was taking the rest of the week off and his case of bourbon had arrived. Richard Castle was a happy man, but with a wedding in the near future, and Meredith in town for a month, he knew it wouldn't last. He was going to need another case of bourbon.

THE END

 **Fun Fact:**

Jefferson's Bourbon was founded in 1997 and is distributed by Castle Brands.


End file.
